(This blog originally appeared on my Myspace blog on May 28th, and I wanted to post it here to get this blog up to date, for those who may not have read the original post. I have revised dates to make it current- where this blog states "16 months", the original stated 6 months. I have also corrected a few spelling, grammar, and sentence structure errors.) No, not THAT kind of coming out. But I got your attention, didn't I?
There's actually a couple of different ways you could take the title of this blog. It could either mean me "coming out" about what we've really been doing the past year and a half, or it could be a reference to us "coming out" of the institutional church system. I'll explain that in a moment.
I've been promising this blog for several weeks, and I haven't delivered yet because, quite honestly, it's been difficult to write. I've started it several times and haven't been happy with it. I'm just not that eloquent at writing; I feel more at ease talking face to face with people about what I feel and believe, even though I'm even worse at speaking than I am at writing. I just feel that I'm better able to express things in a personal setting.
Anyway, I know that once this is out there, there are going to be many people that, at best, quietly disagree with me, and at worst, out and out stop associating with me/us because of the path we've chosen. And though I've always been a bit of a rebel, I still always fear rejection. It's one of those flaws Father hasn't seen fit to work out just yet.
So here goes. About a year and a half ago, my wife and I resigned our leadership positions and stopped attending the faith community we had been a part of for almost 9 years. For no other reason than we knew Father wanted us to. We knew he was taking us on a path that did not allow us to remain where we were. We still don't know where that path will ultimately lead us(do any of us really know?), but we do know where it has led up to this point. We actually began down this road three to four years ago, and it finally began to diverge about 2 years ago.
So what am I trying to say?(Yes, I ramble too much.) This path that Father placed us on has not led us to attend weekly meetings at another faith community. Rather, it has led us to exit the institutional church system. This may sound like silly language to you, and I apologize. I'm trying to put it into the best words I can. You might ask, "Why don't you just say you left the church?" or "Why don't you just tell us you don't go to church anymore?" My answer is that I don't feel those are accurate statements. See, I don't think I can go to, or leave, something that I am. I believe the "church" is not a building you go to or a meeting you attend, but the collective Body of Christ. And just because you stop attending a weekly gathering or don't consider yourself a member of an institution doesn't mean you are not a part of the Body of Christ, if you are a believer.
So, again, what am I saying? Plainly put, our family no longer attends weekly meetings, or "church services", as they are commonly known, nor do we have plans to. Does that mean we are not open to attending a gathering if Father places it upon our heart to do so? Absolutely not! The whole point is that we are following Him where He leads us, and if He leads us to a meeting on Sunday morning, we will be there!
Does this mean we got hurt by church? Absolutely not! Nothing could be further from the truth. We left on good terms; in fact, much better than most who find themselves in our situation. Does this mean we are backsliding? No, that's just silly. Does it mean we don't love God or Jesus as much as people who attend a weekly gathering? No way! If anything, we are growing even more in our relationship with Father- I truly believe that "church" had become a major obstacle in my relationship with Him. It had become a substitute, if you will. And I didn't even realize it. I am still learning how to relate to Father outside of the programs and packaging of the institution, but for me it has been such a refreshing time!
Does this mean I am against institutional expressions of Christianity? No! God has done and will continue to use that system to do great things and work in people. But let's be honest with ourselves- it is a man-made system. You won’t find much of what goes on in modern-day Christianity described in the stories of the New Testament Church. And I'm not talking about guitars, rock music, projector screens, fog and lights. Those things are just cultural expressions. I'm talking about things that are generally accepted as "the way" Jesus intended it to be- meeting in huge expensive buildings, ministry relegated to a few select men (or one man), rather than shared by the entire body, believers learning from one person week after week, instead of every believer learning from the sharing and experieces of every other believer, the hierarchy of pastors vs. lay people, tithing, etc, etc, etc. Many of the things we accept as part of Biblical Christianity today just can't be supported by a contextual reading of Scripture, including the supposed requirement that Christians attend a weekly "worship service".
Yes, I can hear you all throwing Hebrews 10:25 at me. Ok, so let's briefly look at it again. Different versions say it differnet ways, but isn't the context really saying don't stop meeting with each other to encourage each other and spur one another on to acts of love and good works? I just don't get how anyone could insist that Paul was referring to meeting every Sunday morning, Saturday night, or whenever you do it, and listening to a worship band and one person give their interpretation of the Scriptures. The context of this verse screams, "RELATIONSHIP!" To me, any time I am with other believers, whether it is 1 or 100, we are fulfilling Hebrews 10:25. Didn't Jesus say that wherever two or three are gathered in His name, He is there? And if we ARE the church, then anywhere two or more are together, that's a "church meeting", whether it's in a building set aside for that purpose, a coffee shop, a living room, a karate dojo, a fishing boat, or an office break room. If church is something we are, and not something we go to, then wherever we are, that's where the church is! If we have a few friends over to our house, and we share a meal, play cards, and share a little of what Father is showing us, that's Hebrews 10:25 in action! If we attend a weekly meeting and encourage each other in our faith, that's Heb. 10:25! If we attend a bible study at a coffee shop, that's Heb. 10:25 as well. The important thing is relationship- horizontally and vertically. Relationship is the whole point of Scripture. Jesus said it best when he was asked to name the greatest commandment- “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength”. And the second greatest commandment is like it- love your neighbor as yourself. He said everything in Scripture could be summed up in these two commandments(Matt. 22:37-40).
It is clear to me that Father is shaking up the organizational structure of the church. There is a rapidly growing segment of Christianity that doesn't attend regular meetings or consider itself part of a conventional church. Read some of
George Barna's recent research(
also here) if you don't think this is true. But that doesn't mean one expression of Christianity is any better than the other- though one may work better for one person than for another. I heard a good quote recently- God is far more interested in the contents than the container and those contents do not need a structure to keep them together.
So what's the bottom line? Father has led my family and I outside of the four walls of institutional Christianity. We don't attend meetings at a conventional "church", though we do meet occasionally, informally, and often spontaneously, with other believers to fellowship and share what Father is doing. We try each day to follow His leading. We do what we know he wants us to do, and we don't do what we don't know to do. We give of our resources, financial and otherwise, as we feel Him leading us. We try to love others as He loves us.
And as easy as it was for us to get out of the system, it is harder to get the system out of us- the institutional mindset. That has probably been the hardest part for me. But Father is working on that. And through this whole journey, which I'm sure will be a life-long process, He is doing amazing things in our lives, and revealing amazing things to us. I've never been happier in my relationship with Him, though I know I've got a long way to go. Ironically, I've never sensed myself as much in his will as I do now. And probably most importantly, I've never felt as loved by Him as I do now, nor loved Him as much- though I know his love for me has never changed no matter what I’ve done. And I think that's what it boils down to- once we truly learn to live as though we're really loved, it changes everything. When I recognize something in my life that is off, I ask, "Father, what is it about your love for me that I am not understaning or trusting, that is causing this behaviour in me?" I think all sin stems from not comprehending the love of God for us. We know it in our head, but do we really grasp it with our spirit? Eve sinned because she didn't trust God's love for her enough to know that the commandment to not eat that fruit was really for her own good. She didn't trust His love enough to know that he had her best interest at heart. Things change when you begin to understand His love for you- that was what began the paradigm shift for me, and I'm still just beginning to understand it. It's another one of those life-long journeys I'm sure.
But I'll stop now, this is way too long and it's far too late and I'm beginning to really ramble. I could blog all night about the misunderstandings we have about Father's love, and how it has been changing my life dramatically the past couple of years, but I think I'll shut it down now. Please feel free to comment, whether positive or negative. You won't hurt my feelings. I have just about overcome the needs to convince others I am right. My beliefs are just that- beliefs. They are founded on faith, and my current understanding of Scripture and Father's character and love for me. But because I am human, I know I don't have everything right and won't get it all right until He makes everything whole again. So because of that, I am open to discussion with anyone and everyone about their beliefs, as long as you understand your beliefs are just beliefs too. If something I said doesn't make sense to you, chances are I just didn't do a good job of explaining my thoughts. Please ask questions and I'll try again! Don't just jump to conclusions about what you think I said. I can't tell you how many times people have misunderstood something I said or wrote. So again, feel free to comment! It's about relationships!
If you'd like, here is a great article entitled "Why I Don't Go To Church Anymore" that echoes my beliefs and answers many questions people may have about my perceived backslidden state :)
